20180811.0430

I've mentioned before, I'm sure, that I was going to be a band director when I grew up. Working to that end meant I was supposed to practice my horn (which I did not do enough, admittedly) and perform at the several concerts each ensemble gave each session. I'm certain I've mentioned elsewhere that I've started playing again, meeting with a local community jazz band and practicing music, such as I'd not done in years. Today will be the first public performance by that band (though people have been listening to us practice for a while, now); we'll be playing for a back-to-school bash, and attendance is expected to be high for the event.

I confess to being a bit nervous about it. I'd not played in anything resembling a serious fashion for some sixteen years when I picked up a horn again, so it's been that long since I've played in a performance of any sort. There are thoughts that I'll not be good enough, that my reeds will split or I'll drop the horn (and, since I play a bari sax, that's no happy thought). Maybe it'll happen that I play the gig with my fly down--unintentionally, like in the one class I taught so long ago. (I've told this story, haven't I?) Or something else will happen that I don't want, and things won't go so well as I want them to go.

But I also know that many, perhaps most, of those in attendance will not care. They'll either not know enough about it to notice small things going oddly or be wrapped up in the other events at the bash (bounce-houses, school-supply giveaway, food) that errors will escape their attention. Or they'll be happy that there is a band at all. And there is the fact that the gig is a free one; we're not being paid for the effort, except insofar as practice space counts as pay. If things go badly, then nobody's out anything except the time, and the attendees at the bash were mostly going to be there, anyway. (Some of us in the band have families who'll be coming out to offer support, but that's a relatively small number of us.)

And it may well be the case that we play well today. I certainly hope that it is; I've put enough practice time into it that it's possible, perhaps even likely. I'll not hex the whole damned thing by assuming that it will be good--that way lies madness--but we're playing decent charts that we're spent some time putting together. We've sounded good in practice more than once; it's not unreasonable to think it might happen again, and when it matters. Because it will matter today; the first performance will do much to assert the band's reputation, so making it a good one will be important.

Like I said, I confess to being nervous.