20131023.0628

Some assorted news is available.  One item is that my wonderful wife and I took a trip to the City of Thunder yesterday, there to have some tests done regarding the upcoming addition to our family.  Results look good.  The baby has ten toes and ten fingers--and in fine familial fashion, two were lifted up in salute of the ultrasound's probing.  (I leave it to you to determine which two.)  Blood was drawn to look for a few other things, but there are as yet no physical signs of causes for concern, which is a joyful relief for us.

Other news is less important, although also joyous--at least in the minds of my compatriots in the work of teaching.  Before the trip, I was able to get two classes' papers graded--and one set of them even made its way back to the students (the other waited until after the trip was done).  I actually managed to get caught up to myself for once, a phenomenon I know will be short-lived, since another assignment is coming in today.  Still, the rare sensation of being where I need to be in my work was welcome; I shall have to do it again sometime.

Another item is that Humanities Directory still needs submissions.  It is joined in this by my proposed special session for the 2014 South Central Modern Language Association conference, to tale place in Austin, Texas.  Seriously, give me more work to do.  I look forward to reading what you send in; perspectives from any discipline that can conceivably be regarded as being in the humanities are welcome, and a trip to the beautiful Texas Hill Country is worth taking (especially at the time of the conference, when the heat will be more or less over but cold has not set in--for it hardly ever does).

Major news points done, some commentary: I find that my thoughts are increasingly overtaken by the evidently healthy baby my wife carries.  The names we have selected run through my mind and over my tongue, through the end of my pen and my fingers on the keyboard (if not in this venue).  With each iteration, they grow more pleasant for me; I am increasingly enamored of them and of the child they represent.  Even now, I smile to myself despite the sure knowledge that nobody sees it.  I cannot help but do so; I am going to be a father.

But I know that I am not ready for the responsibility of raising a child.  In many ways, I still feel as thought I am a child, navigating a world made for those bigger than me and confused by the subtle signs and signals that flow around me.  There is much I do not understand and that I feel I never will, and the idea that I am tasked with helping a new life learn to live in the world when I cannot (else why should I seek refuge in the ivory tower, despite the sometimes-uncomfortable chairs?) frightens me; I fear to fail the child who is mine.

I know that I will be amply supported.  I know that my wife, my child, and I are greatly loved, and that many people stand ready to render much assistance.  But even with all the help in the world, things can get screwed up--and my child, all of our children (I can actually say that now), are too precious to suffer such error.