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My time away from work is drawing towards its end, and so I am beginning to retrain myself for the working world. It is not going quite so well as I would hope, of course; it never does. But I am making some progress. I have been waking up a little earlier each day, fighting with my snooze button less. I may only gain a few minutes each day by doing so, but I do gain, and that is something of which to approve. Too, I have been writing more (although not in this webspace, which still usually gets between 500 and 600 words a day). I have been trying to keep up with the Tales after Tolkien Society blog, making a new post every few days and editing other people's work (of which we could use more) to ensure it fits with what else is there. I have also written pieces for other social media sites in the past few days, and it seems that freelancing is starting to pick up again, as well. There has been more to do, and in doing it, I am readying myself for a return to my regularly scheduled job.

Being at home these past weeks has been interesting. I have a keener appreciation of what it takes to keep a household going, certainly, although I have not fully assumed the prescribed role of the at-home spouse; I am still earning money, and my wife still does some housework (probably still more than I do, which I likely fail to notice due to long social conditioning), so that the otherwise expected neat inversion of the "traditional" gender dynamic is somewhat frustrated. I have been gratified, as well, to see how Ms. 8 has grown; she is flipping herself over, now, and she has decided that she dislikes sleeping on her back. She also likes a number of fruits and vegetables, although sweet potatoes seem not to like her in return. She laughs now, as well, which is a delight to hear.

I find that I am somewhat conflicted. While I feel the call of my job, and I cannot help but respond to it because of my socialization, I also feel the inertia of having been at home for so long and the gravity of Sherwood Cottage and the family it emblematizes. I want to go and to stay both, and I know that it cannot be. I know that the society in which I am enmeshed demands that I go, and I know that I will go when the time comes (and it will come soon; within two weeks, I am expected back). I know that that society says I ought to be happy to go to work, that a person's worth is bound up in the job and the paycheck the job brings and that conformity with gender roles demands the work and says I should be happy to do it. But I also know that I take delight in seeing my daughter smile and having been the first to hear her laugh and watch her turn herself over. While I will be going back to work, for I must, I will not be as happy to do so as might otherwise be; I am giving something up to do it.

That, perhaps, is the thing needing to be learned. That, perhaps, is the useful simile.