Thursday, March 28, 2019

20190328.0430

One of the people with whom I play an online version of a tabletop roleplaying game commented recently that a number of the characters s/he is drafting in preparation for an upcoming game are done to avoid addressing the personal anxieties s/he has. Another commented that escapism isn't a bad thing--which is true, on the surface of it, though it can become a problem in some circumstances--and received in reply questions about whether the escapism "to be a badass that hunts evil" or "to be a genial fellow who is liked by many, if not most" would be so healthy. As someone whose characters tend to be, at least in part, reifications or pseudo-reifications of attributes of personality and deportment I might wish I had, I found the questions telling--and decidedly worth considering in my own cases.
The characters I play are, for the most part, upright and honorable people, given to being dutiful and diligent. There are some exceptions, of course; I do occasionally play a sneaky git or a selfish ass. Most of the time, though, I play "good guys" who may have some flaws but generally try to find the right thing to do and to do that thing once they've found it. And if it is the case that those of us who build characters tend to build ones we see as reflecting what we want to be and do not believe we are, then I would seem to be in trouble; if I fantasize about being a "good guy," just as my comrade fantasizes about being either an agent against evil or someone well liked, then it must mean that I do not think myself such a person. I do not know that I can argue against that assertion; I have a decent view of what goes on in my head, and it is not the kind of thing that always makes for the most pleasant viewing.
I am sure the same is true for many other people, though. Most or all of us have facets of ourselves we share with few or none. Most or all of us have things we done and are not proud to have done, or things we did not do and are not proud not to have done. (I have more of the latter than the former, I think.) But I do not think that most people think they are not good for more than moments at a time; I am not convinced that most people introspect quite so often or so deeply as that. It seems a less desirable action, which I note as someone who does more of it than should be, and to less effect. In the games, though, I do not feel compelled to look so far inward or so often as is the case outside the game. If I could transfer that lesson outside, I wonder if I might not be better off.

No comments:

Post a Comment