20190330.0430

In a recent conversation I had, the comment was made that "if you didn't do anything wrong, you've got nothing to hide." It's far from the first time I've heard such a comment, of course; I was in college when 9/11 happened, and I remember the fracas surrounding the drafting and passage of the so-called Patriot Act, with its surveillance mandates &c. And I remember one of my responses to it, even at the time, was that "I'm not ashamed to take a shit every day, but I don't want an audience when I do." (For the record, that's still my go-to response, even if I am more likely to have such an audience now, whether I would prefer it or not.) There are others that would apply now, of course, but the general thrust remains the same; there are things I do that I am not ashamed of, but I do not want them observed by non-participants quite so closely as all that.
One of them is likely obvious, I know. I'll leave it at that level of obviousness; those who do not know or cannot guess do not need to.
As I think on the matter, though, because I seemingly must think about the things I encounter, there are a number of things I shouldn't be ashamed of that I seem still to be, or to be closer to that than I feel ought to be the case. For all my noting that I play tabletop roleplaying games in person and online, for example, I still often shy away from discussing it, and I only rarely foreground my doing so (as I've noted). I am still reluctant to admit to certain of my media consumption, typically styles of music and a few things that I read (and no, I'm not going into them here and now, despite the removal and anonymity of being online). I have some ideas about why, of course, and there are some ways in which I work against the tendencies, but they remain in place.
The thing is, I do know that there is no shame in my spending leisure time gaming, or reading the things that I read, or listening to the music I want to listen to--just as there's no shame in my taking a shit once or twice a day. Unlike the last, though, the former examples still make me blush about them; even now, I feel my face reddening at the thoughts, and no, not all of what I'm referencing is lewd (though some of it is, I admit). And I am certain I have caused some others to feel similarly about their own idle and harmless tastes in things; I have more often been an ass than I've not, which is not to my credit and perhaps means I merit feeling bad when and about what I do.