20190813.0430

I've not been sleeping well these past nights. I am not sure why. I usually fall asleep quickly and sleep soundly until my alarm begins to call--at around this time, in fact. But across the past week or so, I've been having trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep for hours after I find my way to bed. I've not been feeling any more guilty than normal that I'm aware, and temperatures have not been unexpected; it is August in the Texas Hill Country, but it is far from the first such I have spent, and it is not the first I've spent where I'm living now. Yet it is the first time I've been so sleepless for so long. One or two nights might be expected as an occasional thing. Day after day after day, though, is something different--and entirely unwelcome.
I've not had any substantial change of habits, either. I haven't been waking later or napping during the day; my caffeine consumption has stayed consistent--for years now, really, and less now than it has been at several points in my adult life. (The day I drafted my dissertation's conclusion sticks out in my mind as a major example. I churned out thirty pages of academic prose. I also drank at least that many cups of coffee. It did what I needed it to do, but it also did some other things that were not nearly so pleasant.) So I am not sure what it is that is making my sleep less easily found and less restful.
I have every expectation, though, that the changes to my sleep are causing other changes. I still perform at work as I have, which is good; I am finally getting back on decent financial footing, and I do not want to imperil that, which lower quality of work would do. I have been told my public presentation is as it has been, so there's not been much if any change in how I interact wit the broader world. I have, however, noted in the past few days that I have not behaved with those close to me as I ought to be doing. Perhaps my sleep is at the root of it. It does not excuse my behavior, however, or absolve me of responsibility for allowing myself to act as I feel I have.