20150224.0654

I noted yesterday that I had another job interview (which was welcome, as I received several emails telling me I had been turned down for other jobs). As is common in such circumstances, I wore a suit to sit for it--and because of the timing of the thing, I wore the suit throughout my teaching day. Like many men, I look good in a suit, even if it is one that I got on the cheap from a resale shop and thus probably does not fit me as well as it ought to do. (Of course, being able to button the pants is a benefit, and there are clothes in my closet I cannot button any longer. My exercise regimen has...fallen off somewhat. Surprisingly.) I was even more or less comfortable in the thing, although I am never pleased to be wearing a tie.

That said, I found myself aware of the masquerade I was carrying on as I ran around my building in a pinstripe suit. My position is not a lofty one; I a contingent academic laborer, although I am at the higher end of contingency. I do not have a private office anymore--but I recall having one (an experience enshrined in CCC, as I have noted)--and few if any even of my senior colleagues show up for work in suit and tie. Certainly, those with whom I share office space do not do so much, if at all; they and I more typically teach in jeans, possibly in sport coats or the feminine equivalent. And I do not come from circumstances conducive to wearing suits to work. While one grandfather, who was a teacher for decades, did do so, I did not grow up near him; instead, I was raised among tradesfolk, and a worsted wool jacket does not wear well when chipping trenches through caliche or crawling under mobile homes to connect electrical services. Thus, neither my upbringing nor my current professional context conduces to my going about in a suit. I know it, so I feel myself an impostor when I do wear one, despite seeing that I look good in one and knowing that my dressing in such a way has effects on my classroom--and perhaps on my job prospects, as well. "Dress for the job you want," after all, and I want a job that is more secure and pays at least as well as what I am getting now.

Whether I ought consciously to dress better more often, I do not know. I do appreciate feeling good, and looking good--looking like a professional--does help with that. Taking on the trappings associated with being more nearly elite also increases the perception of my authority, in the classroom and outside of it, and I do not deny that I like my authority respected; such as I have, I have worked hard to earn. But I am not certain how well it sits with me to carry out that particular type of performance--and I am not sure that my finances will allow me to get more suits that fit decently...