Wednesday, December 17, 2014

20141217.0728

I am evidently capable of backsliding.

Yesterday's dental appointment went well enough. My teeth have been cleaned, and I did not have to suffer the indignity of having a rubber chock shoved into my face. The dentist did, however, ask me if I had plans to have my wisdom teeth removed (I do not, both because of cost and because I would like to avoid having surgery done to my face if I can) and noted that I will need to have a filling in one if I do not. (My comment about the symbolism of having a hole in one of my wisdom teeth seems particularly resonant; I still do not want to explicate the idea.) I have not yet scheduled the filling appointment, as I am not entirely certain of my schedule in the next few months, but I imagine I shall have to do so soon. It is not an attractive proposition.

I have a number of such propositions to face. One is going to the convention I am scheduled to attend next month on the off chance that I have an interview; given regular academic practices, I doubt it, but I had to make arrangements to do so before they became unbearably expensive. As it is, I can still use help in recouping my expenses. Because my current position is contingent, I am not eligible for much in the way of travel funding, yet if I do not travel, I will not be able to find a better bit of work to do. The situation begins to recall Heller, although I doubt mine is as well written as his.

That I could use some help does not mean I am not doing what I can do to make things work. I pushed through another freelance piece yesterday; I am waiting to hear about its acceptance, and I will shortly see about snapping up another piece to do for pay. Tonight, I will be giving a tutorial, which will represent a little bit of extra money. In the meantime, around taking care of dishes and a bit of ironing, I will work on a journal article (because a lack of publications is part of what hinders my search for a tenure-line position) or on a creative piece that I have been considering for some time and which I hope to sell to one magazine or another. And I probably ought to send off other job application packets, as well; a stack on my desk still waits for my attention.

I am not indolent. I am not dissolute. I am not simply expecting to get a handout. I am doing what I can do to make things right, but I know that making them right depends on things that are not mine to control. I can only apply; I do not make the hiring decision, and I do not know what it is that will make me a more attractive candidate (other than the publication bit I noted earlier). It is with those things that I could use a hand...

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