20190108.0430

After yesterday's lapse, I wanted to be sure I got something out where others could see it. I do not like that I flagged in my attention, even if it was for good reason and was addressed as soon as could be done; I do not like to be reminded that I am, in fact, human and subject to failure, or that it might be the case that I will not meet all of the commitments I have made. I work hard to be a man of my word, to do what I say I will do, and I have said that I will be continuing this blog for a while, so it behooves me to get things set up such that it will continue. Finding myself having failed to do so sits ill; indeed, I was out of sorts for most of the rest of the day yesterday, having had the shock of screwing up so soon after I stumbled out of sleep. There are other ways I would much rather wake up than with such reminders.
I was able to get my feet under me, though, and to get through the day with relative aplomb. I have been taking on more job duties as I prepare to step into a higher leadership role--which overstates matters, in truth; the agency where I work for my day job has a whopping four people employed. I will be taking overall leadership soon enough; the current head is retiring soon, and I will be succeeding to the position despite being the most junior of the current employees. But the other two are counselors and do not want to handle the administrivia that has been and increasingly is my lot, while I have no problem handling it and do not think I would do well in the position of having to absorb as much from the clients as they seem to do on a daily basis. So there is not really any strife involved in my taking on the higher role, at least not from my fellow employees.
It will be a bit strange to be in a management role, though. I've spent so long as a worker--longer than not, at this point--that it is hard for me to think about being the boss. Similarly, I come from a family of working folks, and if my mother currently manages a tax preparation office, that's been a  relatively recent thing, and she still has her own higher-ups to whom she must report. So being in charge, being ultimately responsible, is a new thing for me--and, like many new things, it is not entirely comfortable yet. I know I will grow or shrink into it, and that, in time, my mind will shape itself to the role. It would not be the first time such has happened, of course, and I managed, in time, to accommodate myself to most of the reconfigurations. (I am still having trouble thinking myself out of academe, for reasons I've noted extensively in other venues, but that is my own fault; masochist that I am, I keep going back for more.) And, in truth, I largely look forward to the challenge. I expect it will be a rewarding experience.