20190117.0430

Over the past few months, I've been pursuing a different project in this webspace with each month. The current month is as it is; previously, I responded to newspaper articles or did much the same thing as now, writing rambling pieces that may or may not connect to one another across days in some way that makes some semblance of sense. Next month, I'll be returning to my hymns against the stupid god; indeed, I've already been at work on the project a bit more, though not in a way that sets up work in this webspace. That will come soon enough, however; I just need to get more framed out for it before I put it into the buffer (because I do still want my posts to come up regularly, and I do dislike having their schedule disrupted because I forgot to do something or other).
There is some comfort in having an idea of how I'm going to move ahead, at least in the short term. That comfort offers another justification for my continued work in this webspace, when I could and probably should be attending to other projects (not necessarily those in my more professional webspace, though that would not be unwelcome). I've noted before that I am a creature of habit, seeking to have my days be more or less predictable so that I can meet well what presents itself to me. I know I cannot have complete certainty; even aside from clichés about death coming at any time, I have a four-year-old daughter whose personality continues to evolve, and that evolution sometimes takes unexpected paths. I value them, but they are not always easy for me to deal with, and so I take what constancy I can find--or else I make it.
I suppose it might be said that I am closing myself off from things by trying to regulate and manage my time the way I do. And I suppose there is something to such comments; I am aware of having missed out on things, of missing out on things even now, and not because there are necessarily things going on at this moment of my writing that would be more invigorating or entertaining. No, even after I am done with this and done with the tasks I have for the day, I will return home to a quiet life and work through motions I have gone through before. Were it a martial arts practice, I might call it kata, but since it is not, I do not know what word to apply to it. The "boring" that some might call it, I abjure, partly because I have foresworn being bored, as such, and partly because it is not laborious; it simply is, even if it is not exciting for others to watch.
But I am not performing for other audiences in my home life. Those who share my home, who make it a home for me, are audience enough, and they seem to approve. After all, they pack the house every night...