20190102.0430

I have still not decided upon an answer to the question of yesterday, of whether or not I will press ahead in this webspace as I have since 18 October 2017 and make a daily post in it. That I post today does not mean I am certain I will post tomorrow. I am inclined toward it, to be sure, since it is a developed habit at this point, and I am very much a creature of habit. It does not always work to my advantage to be so; I am still pre-Bilbo Bagginsian, and while there are advantages to reliability, to predictability, there are also drawbacks to being so. Some of them have been pointed out to me recently, and rather emphatically, by people for whom I care deeply. I do not know how to avoid the disadvantages while retaining the advantages; I do not know how to reap the benefit without paying the cost. I do not know yet that I can afford to keep paying it, so I do not know that I will maintain the habit of this webspace yet.
There are other habits I'd like to develop, though, or redevelop. I suppose they move in the direction of resolutions, though I announce them later than I ought, and I am not so committed to them as resolutions typically present themselves as demanding. In any event, they include me giving more time to practicing my horn; I have been working to that end recently, and I have been hearing better playing from myself as I have done so. I'll never make a living as a musician, I know, and I'll likely not do much to pull in extra money for my family that way, either, but I do enjoy having the horn in my hand again, and that enjoyment seems to be helping me enjoy other things, to be helping me to be a better person and therefore to be a better husband and father. I think I can continue to give it time and attention.
Another habit I'd like to redevelop is reading. Time was, I was rarely found without a book in hand. Anymore, I read a fair bit online--which is still reading, but in a medium that promotes a different kind of attention than reading from a printed page develops. I have found it harder to keep my attention on a single thing for an extended period, which was not the case for me earlier in my life. I miss being able to focus on things in such ways, and I know that being able to do so was a result of my spending so much time with my nose in a book as I did. Too, Ms. 8 will benefit from having the studious model to follow, and I am certainly interested in offering my daughter good models to follow. Oughtn't I to be? So there's that.
And, as part of offering better models for behavior for my daughter, who still does things she sees her parents do in a loving child's attempt to be like those she esteems, I need to be in the habit of getting out more. Yesterday, for example, my wife, Ms. 8, and I went to one of the local parks, where Ms. 8 got to ride on a bike she got in the past couple of weeks. Ms. 8's parents walked along behind, and while it was a bit chilly, it was also quite nice to do so. I, at least, felt better for the exercise, and I know that my wife valued the time together. Much of my time is spent inside and at a single station, and it tells on me; I think it always has, and I've noted being an indoorsman more than once. I don't think I'll ever be outdoorsy; I think I am too much embedded in things to change in such a way. But I can still make sure I get out and do things regularly with my family, making doing so a habit from which I think they and I will derive some benefit. And that, I definitely think good.